The Writings of Dan Ratherderby and Stats From The Iowa Roller Derby

By Dan Ratherderby

It’s definitely been a mixed bag in the Iowa Roller Derby scene this week.

Derby news kicked into high gear on Tuesday with WHO-TV sportscaster Chris Hassel’s ridiculous article insulting derby players as Rosie O’Donnell look-a-likes among other things and sports. A major backlash occurred and is still occurring.

Mercifully, Big Truck, one of the coaches from the Mid Iowa Rollers relieved the scene from that nonsense by publically challenging the Des Moines Derby Dames to a bout on Wednesday’s Localhost program with Ian Walmsley, Harold Martin and Preston Lemke. No word from the D3 camp as of this writing, but I wouldn’t count out a response from them.

As for bout night, Old Capitol City continued their steamrolling season with a 243-142 win over the Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Felons (4-4). Old Capitol City is a perfect 5-0 on the season and shows no sign of letting up.

The Des Moines Derby Dames (1-2) experienced a crushing defeat at the hands of the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz: Doll Starz 202-64. Before you pass judgment on D3’s performance, we should put this loss in context. The Sioux Falls Roller Dollz: Killa Beez, for lack of a better phrase, the B team in the league, soundly defeated the talented Sioux City Roller Dames 227-35. With a league that talented, 17^th in the latest WFTDA North Central rankings, we shouldn’t pass that much judgment on D3’s efforts. I’m not being apologetic for them, it’s just the truth.

The era of the Muddy River Nightmare is officially over. Contractually obligated to complete a bout that was planned before MRN merged with the Farm Fresh Roller Girls, some of the old MRN athletes donned their old team colors and, with assistance from a few FFRG players, brought the Clinton-based derby operation to a conclusion. Fortunately, MRN retired with a come-from-behind 120-104 win over the Stateline Derby Divas (Janesville-Beloit, Wis.) in Beloit, Saturday night.

The Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Misdemeanors (7-1) saw their perfect season vanish, losing 182-89 at the hands of the Peoria Push Derby Divas. The Old Capitol City Roller Girls are now the sole remaining undefeated team in the state.

The Mid Iowa Rollers opened their home season in a special Black vs. Blue match which saw Team Black defeating Team Blue 138-97.

Mr. Hassel,
Thank you for your response. I have read over the contents of what you sent a few times, and find it wanting. In the first place, your defense that this was written on April 1, which insinuates that this article was written as an April Fools joke, does not hold water being that it was published on April 12, long after any April Fools joke edition of any magazine occurred. The April Fools tactic was merely a cover for yourself to hide behind if people complained of the willfully malicious content of your article.

Secondly, your comment “nobody contacted malaria during swimming, no elephants present in Wells Fargo Arena for AHL Hockey, and no ringworm for wrestling” is a red herring. The issue is your degradation of the female athletes who play derby and female football. You say ” for the roller derby community to suggest that I’m, in any way, homophobic, sexist, or racist, is not only flat out wrong — it’s absurd.” Your rhetoric leaves no other interpretation, sir. Claiming that the roller derby is a “Rosie O’Donnell look alike contest,” knowing that she is an avowed lesbian, and stating that some female football players “looked like men,” taken together, shows a homophobic and sexist streak in your worldview. I called your content sexist and homophobic because that is what it was.

And if you feel that way about female athletes who play these sports, what then is your opinion of high school softball players? Since they do not play like the men, as you said female football players don’t, does that mean you hold them in contempt? What about girls high school basketball and collegiate women basketball players? Do you feel that way about them since their tactics and pace and strategy are different than the boys and the men? Did you see Rosie O’Donnell look-a-likes at the State Softball Tournaments? Did you meet “Pat” there?

Third, you mention that your job is “pushing the envelope” but when did that term ever evolve personal and degrading insults? Does pushing the envelope mean insulting people of a socio-economic disposition that you feel are below you? Does pushing the envelope mean willfully insulting people of a sexual persuasion that you apparently consider contemptible? Does it mean insulting high schoolers, as you did in your sentence regarding high school bowling? It seems like Don Imus used the same rational when he referred to the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team as “Nappy Headed Hoe’s.” Can we expect a further expansion of offensive, juvenile pornography from you in your columns and on your show?

Where is your sense of decency, sir?

Fourth, you wrote “It seems odd that I have only received emails from the folks involved in Roller Derby. No emails from swimmers, wrestlers, hockey players or bowlers.” That is neither here nor there. How other groups respond to your column is not the derby communities problem. You wrote that the groups you offended would “never find out” about your bigoted tirade. You are hiding behind the April Fools defense. You are wrong.

Finally, you wrote “It’s also interesting that some people are mad because I attacked a group of individuals, and then they turn around and personally attack me. Pretty ironic, don’t you think?” So you are admitting that you wrote what you wrote for the purpose of attacking and hurting people for a cheap laugh. How dare you, sir. How dare you.

Two words I did not read in this mass e-mail that you sent out were “I’m sorry.” Those two words, said in sincerity, go a long way to act as a salve for this gaping wound. A simple mass e-mail that does not contain an apology and finds you casting yourself as a victim, and further dismissing the complaints of the derby community, will not do.

What I ask of you is simple: I would ask that you issue a sincere apology on Sound-Off to those you have attacked in your column. That is all. I am not calling for your firing. I am not calling for you to go on the air and flog yourself or humiliate yourself. Just take a half-minute to express your sincere apology. That is it. No humiliation. No embarrassment. I don’t believe this is too much to ask. If you do this, I will consider this a dead issue, as your sincere apology will be more than enough for me and would do much to heal those you insulted.

By Dan Ratherderby.

On April 12, 2011, Des Moines-based Juice Magazine posted an article written by WHO sportscaster Chris Hassel. The article, entitled “My Sporting Event Wish (Away) List,” was supposedly designed to describe “sporting events I hope to never again attend in my lifetime. My sporting event wish-away list.”

Women’s football and roller derby were on the list. Fair enough. My beloved derby is not going to be liked by everyone and that is fine with me. Neither is women’s football going to be enjoyed by all and I am sure if you talk to anyone who plays it, they understand that and accept that.

But the content of his doesn’t offer us insight as to why he does not care for these sports. Instead, the reader is treated to a hit piece against anyone who is of a socio-economic class and disposition that Hassel looks down upon. His sense of elitism is displayed time and again throughout the course of this article. Witness his description of fans of the nationals in Knoxville (“I was interviewing a fan in 2010 that didn’t own a cellphone. Worse yet, it was clear to me that he didn’t own any deodorant, either,”); at a high school bowling event (“Surprisingly, there are a lot of fans (parents) that come to watch this thing. The problem is, they’re outside chain-smoking Marlboro Reds from the second frame to the ninth frame. This would be a great spot to get some generic childhood obesity file video, though,”); and fans at the NCAA Wrestling Championships (“there’s enough ringworm in the arena to take out a small country.”)

The contempt and intolerance here is stunning. But Hassel didn’t stop there. In his comments on women’s football and our beloved derby, Hassel crossed into sexist and homophobic territory. First, observe his comment on women’s football: “Some of the players looked like men, but they sure as heck didn’t play like men.” Now look at his comments on roller derby: “Or as I like to call it, a Rosie O’Donnell look-alike convention. I did get to meet Pat from those old ‘Saturday Night Live’ skits, however.” These are the comments of a man who seems to have a deep seeded problem with athletic women.

Furthermore, Mr. Hassel displays more than settle hints that his thinking is colored with strands of homophobia. It’s no secret that a number of derby athletes in the Iowa derby scene are lesbian. A number of derby players do not conform to traditional societal concepts of what is supposedly gender appropriate (thankfully this is changing). Rose O’Donnell, as everyone knows, is a lesbian. Julia Sweeney’s character “Pat” on the famous SNL skits thrived on the concept that no one could tell what gender “Pat” was. The only reason I even bring it up is that it appears that these athletes were the target of Mr. Hassel’s offended sensibilities. Furthermore, I believe that was the purposeful intention of Mr. Hassel in including those comparisons in his article.

And that is what is so unforgivable about this article. The athletes were not critiqued on their sport or their athletic ability. They were mercilessly and ruthlessly attacked for being who they are. Bringing “Pat” and O’Donnell into the description of derby athletes, as well as the comment that some female football athletes “looked like men” give off the impression that Mr. Hassel is implying that he does not want to be at these events because there are lesbians present. If this is not the case, then why does Mr. Hassel spend so much time discussing the appearance and behavior of the athlete rather than the sport, whether female football or roller derby? If it was merely a case of being bored or not interested in a derby event, then why not just leave it at saying “I find derby boring. The names and the bout-fits derby are ridiculous”? But it’s the appearance and behavior he focuses on. It seems he entered a bout, took a look at some of the athletes and fans and was put off by them.

Finally, his comment that female football players “sure as heck didn’t play like men,” leaves me wondering some things. There are many games that are played by both sexes that have a different feel in regard to strategy and style. Does Mr. Hassel find girls or women’s basketball a waste of his time because girls “didn’t play like men?” What about softball? They don’t “play like men.” Their field dimension is completely different than the men. Does Mr. Hassel feel it is beneath him to cover events played by females because of these differences? What about the appearance and behavior of some of these female athletes? How does Mr. Hassel feel about female basketball players?

I’m even more interested in asking what his opinion of female softball players are. Such has been the influence of lesbians on softball culture that articles and books, namely Yvonne Zipter’s 1989 tome  Diamonds Are A Dyke’s Best Friend: Reflections, Reminiscences, and Reports from the Field on the Lesbian National Pastime, have been published about it.  Mr. Hassel, are these merely women who look like they could be in a “Rosie O’Donnell Look-Alike Contest?” Did you meet “Pat” at the State Softball Tournament? Is it a waste of your time to cover them because they don’t play baseball like the men?

Heaven only knows.

If Mr. Hassel does feel that way, even he is smart enough to know that writing an article degrading females who play basketball and softball, and even soccer, and criticizing the appearance and behavior of the players would result in a huge blowback that would send him out of Des Moines in shame. So why reserve such treatment for female football players and derby athletes? The answer comes at the end of his piece. He does it because he believes these sports are so marginal that he can get away with it.  “The only thing worse than having to attend these events is having to attend these events after bashing them in a public forum. The good news is, they’ll never find out.”

On this point, like the other points of his article, Mr. Hassel is dead wrong.

If you would like to complain to WHO-TV station management about Mr. Hassel’s asinine article, click here : http://tinyurl.com/6zcfk74 Your best bet looks like station manager Dale Woods.

To write the editor at Juice Magazine, here is the e-mail address for Tim Paluch: tim@dmJuice.com

With the exception of the Mid Iowa Rollers: Bravo team, all teams in Iowa are now out in the field for the 2010-2011 season.

The Mid Iowa Rollers: Alpha (0-1)accrued their first loss in over a year, as they were defeated by the Rockford Rage: Rag Dolls in a heart breaker,  118-102 in Loves Park, Illinois.

The Farm Fresh Roller Girls (3-2) went above .500 for the first time in their young existence by knocking off the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls: Bombshell Cartel (0-2), 134-88 in the Bombshell Cartel’s home opene.

The Des Moines Derby Dames: Crash Test Dolls (1-1) got their first win in their history with a 273-118 victory over the Dakota City Demolition Crew (0-2).

The Quad City Rollers: River Bend Bombers (1-3)couldn’t duplicate the success in Madison that the Old Capitol City Roller Girls achieved a couple of weeks ago. The Mad Rollin Dolls: Reservoir Dogs defeated the River Bend Bombers 254-61.

The Cedar Rapids Rollergirls: Helldorados (0-2) fell to the North Star Rollergirls, 123-68 in their 2011 home opener.