Archive for April, 2011

IT’S BOUT NIGHT IN THE HAWKEYE STATE!!!

Tonight, we have two bouts on the agenda. Both are historic as they are the home bout debuts of two teams.

In the Cedar Valley, the first home bout of the new Cedar Valley Derby Divas: Push Up Brawlers (0-1) take on the Cedar Rapids Rollergirls: Bombshell Cartel (0-2) at the legendary McElroy Auditorium. Tickets are$10 at the door. Kids 12 and under are free. More Information here: http://tinyurl.com/3r9zgb6

The Sioux City Korn Stalkers Men’s Roller Derby team will have its first home bout tonight, facing off against the Twin City Terrors. The bout will take place at the South Ridge Sports Dome in South Sioux City Nebraska. Tickets are $10. Kids 10 and under get in free. More information here: http://tinyurl.com/5wshtxr

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Current League Table

League Tables
League 1
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Sioux City Roller Dames* 23 6 5 0.546 1,828 1,503
Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Felons* 16 4 4 0.5 1,330 866
Old Capitol City Roller Girls 15 5 0 1 948 520
QCR: River Bend Bombers 9 2 3 0.4 529 880
Des Moines Derby Dames 5 1 2 0.333 318 425
CRRG: Helldorados 2 0 2 0 149 373
Midwest Derby Divas 1 0 1 0 108 150
MIR: Alpha 1 0 1 0 102 118
Oskaloosa Mayhem Girls 1 0 1 0 99 189
* Started Season Fall 2010
League Table
League 2
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Misdemeanors* 22 7 1 0.875 888 679
Farm Fresh Roller Girls 14 4 2 0.667 746 689
QCR: Rock Island Line 5 1 2 0.333 205 209
D3: Crash Test Dolls 4 1 1 0.5 374 283
Dakota City Demolition Crew 2 0 2 0 231 545
CRRG: Bombshell Cartel 2 0 2 0 223 308
CVDD: Push Up Brawlers 1 0 1 0 68 103
MIR: Bravo 0 0 0 0 0 0
* Started Season in Fall 2010
Men’s Derby League
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Your Mom 8 3 1 0.75 1158 442
Sioux City Korn Stalkers 2 0 2 0 148 517
Scores from 4/23
League 1
Quad City Rollers: River Bend Bombers 150
Midwest Derby Divas 108
At Rivercenter, Davenport
North Star Roller Girls: Supernovas 185
Sioux City Roller Dames 64
At Minneapolis
League 2
Farm Fresh Roller Girls 132
Stateline Derby Divas 73
At Rock Island

Saturday Night Bout Preview

IT’S BOUT NIGHT IN THE HAWKEYE STATE!

Tonight in the Davenport, The Quad City Rollers: River Bend Bombers (1-3) welcome the brand new Midwest Derby Diva’s of Morrison, Illinois, in their inaugural bout, to the Rivercenter.

Across the river in Rock Island, the Farm Fresh Roller Girls (3-2) look to continue their wining streak against the Stateline Derby Divas. As it stands right now, this looks to be FFRG’s last bout of the seasons, but as we all know in the Derby world, things are very flexible.

Finally, the Sioux City Roller Dames (6-4) head to St. Paul to face off against the North Star Roller Girls: Supernovas.

Should be a very exciting Saturday night! As always, Iowa Roller Derby has people in the field to phone in scores.

PS: The League Table might be a couple of days late loading. As mentioned before, I had to take my computer into the shop and they decided to junk it. So I have a new computer. But because Bill Gates is a rat bastard, he had the new computers install Microsoft Office 2010, which we only have the 2007 edition. So I am left without Excel for a while.

Thanks Bill.

Saturday Night Iowa Roller Derby Wrap-Up April 16th

By Dan Ratherderby

It’s definitely been a mixed bag in the Iowa Roller Derby scene this week.

Derby news kicked into high gear on Tuesday with WHO-TV sportscaster Chris Hassel’s ridiculous article insulting derby players as Rosie O’Donnell look-a-likes among other things and sports. A major backlash occurred and is still occurring.

Mercifully, Big Truck, one of the coaches from the Mid Iowa Rollers relieved the scene from that nonsense by publically challenging the Des Moines Derby Dames to a bout on Wednesday’s Localhost program with Ian Walmsley, Harold Martin and Preston Lemke. No word from the D3 camp as of this writing, but I wouldn’t count out a response from them.

As for bout night, Old Capitol City continued their steamrolling season with a 243-142 win over the Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Felons (4-4). Old Capitol City is a perfect 5-0 on the season and shows no sign of letting up.

The Des Moines Derby Dames (1-2) experienced a crushing defeat at the hands of the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz: Doll Starz 202-64. Before you pass judgment on D3’s performance, we should put this loss in context. The Sioux Falls Roller Dollz: Killa Beez, for lack of a better phrase, the B team in the league, soundly defeated the talented Sioux City Roller Dames 227-35. With a league that talented, 17th in the latest WFTDA North Central rankings, we shouldn’t pass that much judgment on D3’s efforts. I’m not being apologetic for them, it’s just the truth.

The era of the Muddy River Nightmare is officially over. Contractually obligated to complete a bout that was planned before MRN merged with the Farm Fresh Roller Girls, some of the old MRN athletes donned their old team colors and, with assistance from a few FFRG players, brought the Clinton-based derby operation to a conclusion. Fortunately, MRN retired with a come-from-behind 120-104 win over the Stateline Derby Divas (Janesville-Beloit, Wis.) in Beloit, Saturday night.

The Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Misdemeanors (7-1) saw their perfect season vanish, losing 182-89 at the hands of the Peoria Push Derby Divas. The Old Capitol City Roller Girls are now the sole remaining undefeated team in the state.

The Mid Iowa Rollers opened their home season in a special Black vs. Blue match which saw Team Black defeating Team Blue 138-97.

League Tables
League 1
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Sioux City Roller Dames* 22 6 4 0.6 1,764 1,318
Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Felons* 16 4 4 0.5 1,330 866
Old Capitol City Roller Girls 15 5 0 1 948 520
QCR: River Bend Bombers 6 1 3 0.25 379 772
Des Moines Derby Dames 5 1 2 0.333 318 425
CRRG: Helldorados 2 0 2 0 149 373
MIR: Alpha 1 0 1 0 102 118
Oskaloosa Mayhem Girls 1 0 1 0 99 189
* Started Season Fall 2010
League Table
League 2
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Misdemeanors* 22 7 1 0.875 888 679
Farm Fresh Roller Girls 11 3 2 0.6 614 616
QCR: Rock Island Line 5 1 2 0.333 205 209
D3: Crash Test Dolls 4 1 1 0.5 374 283
Dakota City Demolition Crew 2 0 2 0 231 545
CRRG: Bombshell Cartel 2 0 2 0 223 308
CVDD: Push Up Brawlers 1 0 1 0 68 103
MIR: Bravo 0 0 0 0 0 0
* Started Season in Fall 2010
Men’s Derby League
Pts. W L Pct. PF PA
Your Mom 8 3 1 0.75 1158 442
Sioux City Korn Stalkers 2 0 2 0 148 517
Scores from 4/16
League 1
Eastern Iowa Outlaws: Felons 122
Old Capitol City Roller Girls 243
5 Flags Center- Dubuque, Ia.
Sioux Falls Killer Beez 64
Des Moines Derby Dames 202
At Sioux Falls,S,D,
Mid Iowa Rollers: Black 138
Mid Iowa Rollers: Blue 97
At Hy-Vee Hall- Des Moines**
League 2
Eastern Iowa Outlaws:Misdemeanors 89
Peoria Push Derby Dames 182
5 Flags Center- Dubuque, Ia.
Stateline Derby Divas 104
Muddy River Nightmares/FFRG 120
At Beloit, Wis. **
** Bouts Don’t Count On League Table.

Thoughts On D3 Vs. MIR

By Dan Ratherderby.

Applause is in order for Big Truck, coach of the Mid Iowa Rollers.

Prior to his direct challenge to the Des Moines Derby Dames, given during an interview on Des Moines Amplified’s Localhost with Ian Walmsley, Harold Martin and Preston Lemke, the big controversy of the week was the sexist and homophobic ramblings of WHO-TV’s Chris Hassel in Juice Magazine. Regardless of whether you think of the challenge itself (I applaud it, by the way), at least we can all go into the weekend talking about a bout that everyone wants to see rather than this neanderthal masking as a sports reporter.

A quick word on Hassel before I move on. WHO’s resident agent provocateur can best be described, paraphrased miond you, in words of Shakespeare from MacBeth, “…a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage”  making intentionally offensive and boorish comments which amount to “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

So, thank you Big Truck for pulling everyone away from that nonsense and back to the important business of derby. Mid Iowa vs. Des Moines is a bout that many in the scene want. Yet for some reason or another it has not happened.  It is my understanding that there have been attempts to get something going, but nothing resulted.  Why? We don’t know. It was all done behind the scenes. Prior to the Wednesday night interview, the clearest statement I have seen is from MIR and Iowa Derby matriarch Double D, who was quoted in a magazine stating she hoped that a bout would happen some day, and that MIR wanted to play D3.

Big Truck’s simple statement: “D3, we will bout you at any time. Please bout us. It’s good for both teams. What’s better than a rivalry game with two teams from the same town?”

As he was talking, Martin and Walmsley looked at each other, giddy at the possibility of a battle for bragging rites in the capitol city. This writer is giddy too. Nevertheless there are a lot of logistics involved in getting a bout going between two teams that by enlarge do not have the best of relationships, to put it mildly.

With that in mind I submit a few suggestions to both teams when it comes to planning the bout.

– Play the bout at Wells Fargo. D3 succeeded in packing the Jake at the Iowa State Fairgrounds in February. Their bout against the Quad City Rollers: River Bend Bombers was the largest derby game in the history of the state. MIR vs. D3 would beat this 2,500-plus attendance milestone quite easily. D3 has a faithful following. So does MIR. Plus if this bout were to happen, it would attract the attention of the entire derby community in the state, many of whom would attend the match. Not to mention those who would come out to a high stakes bout who have never attended a bout before.Wells Fargo is the only real appropriate place to play being that it would be neutral territory for both teams.

-Expenses? 50-50 split.

– As for charity, I think the choice is obvious. Donate the bout proceeds to help Jenni Welsh, Askin 4 It from the Eastern Iowa Outlaws. Askin 4 it has been battling Stage 4 Lymphoma and the medical bills have to be absolutely extraordin What a wonderful way for the two Des Moines teams to show solidarity toward a derby family member in distress. No matter the differences between MIR and D3, this is a cause worth uniting in.

– As for who refs the game, a mixed crew would not be a good idea with tensions being so delicate between the two teams. What would happen if a controversial call would occur (as it so often does in a bout, just part of the game)? For this bout, give the refs from both teams the night off and hire refs from other leagues around the state to do it. There are many talented refs from around the state who would love to be a part of this.

– Who should be the home team? Who the hell cares? Let both sides put on a show for their team/ player intros.

– Who should DJ the bout? Both. Coin flip it to see who takes the first half and who takes the second half.

But these are just my suggestions. The overriding hope is by the end of the year we will have seen a D3-MIR bout. Big Truck is right. It would be great for both teams and the entire state derby scene.

Make it happen.

My Response to the Mass Chris Hassel E-mail

Mr. Hassel,
Thank you for your response. I have read over the contents of what you sent a few times, and find it wanting. In the first place, your defense that this was written on April 1, which insinuates that this article was written as an April Fools joke, does not hold water being that it was published on April 12, long after any April Fools joke edition of any magazine occurred. The April Fools tactic was merely a cover for yourself to hide behind if people complained of the willfully malicious content of your article.

Secondly, your comment “nobody contacted malaria during swimming, no elephants present in Wells Fargo Arena for AHL Hockey, and no ringworm for wrestling” is a red herring. The issue is your degradation of the female athletes who play derby and female football. You say ” for the roller derby community to suggest that I’m, in any way, homophobic, sexist, or racist, is not only flat out wrong — it’s absurd.” Your rhetoric leaves no other interpretation, sir. Claiming that the roller derby is a “Rosie O’Donnell look alike contest,” knowing that she is an avowed lesbian, and stating that some female football players “looked like men,” taken together, shows a homophobic and sexist streak in your worldview. I called your content sexist and homophobic because that is what it was.

And if you feel that way about female athletes who play these sports, what then is your opinion of high school softball players? Since they do not play like the men, as you said female football players don’t, does that mean you hold them in contempt? What about girls high school basketball and collegiate women basketball players? Do you feel that way about them since their tactics and pace and strategy are different than the boys and the men? Did you see Rosie O’Donnell look-a-likes at the State Softball Tournaments? Did you meet “Pat” there?

Third, you mention that your job is “pushing the envelope” but when did that term ever evolve personal and degrading insults? Does pushing the envelope mean insulting people of a socio-economic disposition that you feel are below you? Does pushing the envelope mean willfully insulting people of a sexual persuasion that you apparently consider contemptible? Does it mean insulting high schoolers, as you did in your sentence regarding high school bowling? It seems like Don Imus used the same rational when he referred to the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team as “Nappy Headed Hoe’s.” Can we expect a further expansion of offensive, juvenile pornography from you in your columns and on your show?

Where is your sense of decency, sir?

Fourth, you wrote “It seems odd that I have only received emails from the folks involved in Roller Derby. No emails from swimmers, wrestlers, hockey players or bowlers.” That is neither here nor there. How other groups respond to your column is not the derby communities problem. You wrote that the groups you offended would “never find out” about your bigoted tirade. You are hiding behind the April Fools defense. You are wrong.

Finally, you wrote “It’s also interesting that some people are mad because I attacked a group of individuals, and then they turn around and personally attack me. Pretty ironic, don’t you think?” So you are admitting that you wrote what you wrote for the purpose of attacking and hurting people for a cheap laugh. How dare you, sir. How dare you.

Two words I did not read in this mass e-mail that you sent out were “I’m sorry.” Those two words, said in sincerity, go a long way to act as a salve for this gaping wound. A simple mass e-mail that does not contain an apology and finds you casting yourself as a victim, and further dismissing the complaints of the derby community, will not do.

What I ask of you is simple: I would ask that you issue a sincere apology on Sound-Off to those you have attacked in your column. That is all. I am not calling for your firing. I am not calling for you to go on the air and flog yourself or humiliate yourself. Just take a half-minute to express your sincere apology. That is it. No humiliation. No embarrassment. I don’t believe this is too much to ask. If you do this, I will consider this a dead issue, as your sincere apology will be more than enough for me and would do much to heal those you insulted.

Chris Hassel’s Mass E-mail To The Derby Community

This afternoon, Chris Hassel sent a mass e-mail to those who complained of his horribly offensive article in Juice Magazine. Here is what those of us who complained found in our mailboxes.

I respect the fact that you’re upset with the article. However, the opinion column was a completely facetious look at some of the sporting events I’ve covered over the years. Come on now, nobody contacted malaria during swimming, no elephants present in Wells Fargo Arena for AHL Hockey, and no ringworm for wrestling. Most people understood that (especially after I made the statement that I wrote it on April 1st). However, it’s clear that the roller derby community didn’t find humor in it — and that’s okay.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had people with burning pitchforks at my door. It comes with the territory, and I understand it — to a point. When your job is to push the envelope, things like this happen.

It seems odd that I have only received emails from the folks involved in Roller Derby. No emails from swimmers, wrestlers, hockey players or bowlers. However, for the roller derby community to suggest that I’m, in any way, homophobic, sexist, or racist, is not only flat out wrong — it’s absurd. That’s a pretty far stretch.

It’s also interesting that some people are mad because I attacked a group of individuals, and then they turn around and personally attack me. Pretty ironic, don’t you think?

I love my job, and this is the main reason why. I’m able to speak my mind, which is how every job should be.

I appreciate your concerns, and thanks for the email.

Chris

The arrogance and condescension is appalling.  The April Fools defense does not hold water because that statement was buried at the bottom of the article. It was further made as an afterthought, with the aim of using it in someone complained. If someone did complain, and a lot of us did, he could use it to dismiss the person under the guise of us being too ignorant to get a joke.

Two words he never used in this ludicrous filth is “I’m Sorry.” There is no admission of wrong doing on his part. Nor is there any validation given to the complaints that were made. This leads me to believe that, despite his assertion that this was merely an April Fools joke is a fabrication. Mr. Hassel plainly admits in this e-mail that he wrote what he wrote to attack people, thus negating the April Fools argument.  His refusal to apologize for his sexist, elitist and homophobic tirade, leaves me to believe that he is, in addition to all of those things, a narcissist, as he seems incapable mentally of understanding and considering the feelings of others.

This is not over. Not by a long shot.